To further add to yesterday's argument, I bring to you the topic of interest among the girls at work today.

Excuse me while I go find and reattach the other half of my tongue...I seem to have bitten it clean off today.

I'm not entirely sure whether to be completely appalled or utterly amused at the ignorance. I guess you can be the judge because I just don't have a coherent thought about it at the moment.

What I do know is that as far as the second picture goes...honey you have fun with that craft fair bullshit, I'll be 3 inches from the TV with a six pack and my big fucking mouth!

Today, I have two issues I would like to discuss. Two things that I need to get off of my chest or I will, in fact, explode.

Marriage and stereotypes.

This is gonna take a while.

Firstly, marriage. Rather, I believe it comes down to the lack of respect in today's society for the vow of commitment and not so much marriage. I have many clients who, when relaxing on 'their me time', really open up and start talking. Hairstylist equals therapist, one of the girls, and so on and so forth. I have had quite a few people say things about their personal relationships, but the other day one really crossed a line with me. She sat down in the chair practically squealing over a new co-worker that was, in her opinion, "fucking hot." Throughout her color process she talked about how badly she got tongue-tied around him because all she could think about was fucking him. When I was rinsing her color out, she finally came around to saying that he was married with children and that, although she was married too, if given the chance she would. I didn't say much during her time, knowing that if I opened my mouth something not so nice was going to come out. The envelope got pushed further today when a fellow stylist went to get lunch at the restaurant next door. They came back saying that the hottest man they had ever seen walked in...with his wife and two kids..."not that that mattered." Again, I bit my tongue.

I fully realize that some people have no morals, no code of ethic, but have people really become this fucking disgusting?! Also, I understand that they are not acting upon it, at least not to my knowledge, but is it necessary to be so outwardly and verbally disgraceful? I think what really gets me is that others laugh and encourage it. Am I the only one left that has any respect for being committed to something or someone? Then there are people, people that I look up to in a lot of aspects, that let me down with their thoughts on their marriages. They treat it as if their is no passion left, as if love goes more hand in hand with friendship than romance; if they had the chance they would change everything about their marriage and their mate. They tell me that when I get married I will understand, that I will feel that way after 10, 15, 25 years of being with the same person. Maybe I will. As I sit here now though, I say no. I am a far too passionate person to ever see myself letting emotion fade from anything I do. Becoming comfortable and content, yes. Disassociating, never.

Moving on to topic number two, stereotypes. Again, it is not stereotypes as a whole, but more so, stemming from my outrage on the whole marriage thing, the stereotypes placed on gender. There are so many women who come into the salon who just bitch and bitch and bitch about their significant others. He did this or he didn't do this. Wait, are we back in a time where your parents decided who you were going to marry? No, I don't think so. You knew exactly what you were getting into. It makes me laugh especially hard when I hear a women complain about a man's joking; "He's such a smartass over everything"...but I guarantee if you had asked that women a few years ago, she would have told you that his humor was why she fell in love with him. I think the worst out there is the stereotype about a man and his sports. I'm sorry, but I have been with a few guys who have gotten irritated at me for ignoring him when I'm busy yelling at the hockey game. Fuck you, don't talk to me when there is hockey on the TV. I know that there are a lot of stereotypes about women too, but I'm not going to sit here and point them out. Honestly, it would make me as bad as the rest of them. I wholeheartedly believe that you can think whatever you want about me in the stereotypical sense of a woman, but don't ever assume that I think the same negativity about you as a man.

I apologize for the longevity, and call me crazy if you will, but I had to get at least some of that out. Be glad that was all I wrote, because I have a lot more thoughts on these matters, but fortunately or unfortunately, I have work in the morning. With that being said, I bid you a goodnight!

GOT MY AFI TICKET TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A WONDERFUL THING TO COME HOME TO!!!!!!!!!!!! AND GETTING MY TICKET IN THE MAIL ENCOURAGES ME TO WRITE REALLY BIG, ALL IN CAPS, AND USE AN OBNOXIOUS AMOUNT OF EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hella.

I realized I mixed a few things up in one of my older post, and one event was changed, so of course OCD me has to correct it.

2/1 - Redken Class
2/4 - Wicked : The Musical
2/8 - Was supposed to be Wendy from Pureology, but she moved her class to May
3/15 - In-salon class with David Stanko (one of Redken's top colorist)
3/16 - AFI at The Ritz

I am hella excited for all of these upcoming events! I have to say though that AFI has had and always will have my heart, so I think I'm looking forward to the concert the most. I'm hoping to see them after the show again because they're awesome guys and really fun to talk with. I'm really hoping Davey and Jade come see us this time...I want my Crash Love CD sleeve to be complete dammit!! I have Hunter's and Adam's sigs, now I just need the other half of the band! Regardless I'll be a happy bunny either way, even if I don't get to talk to them again, they put on a live show that is absolutely to die for. Can't wait!!

It's amazing what cleaning out your closet can evoke from you emotionally. Figuratively and literally. I'm doing just that this weekend, cleaning the closets in my bedroom, going through boxes and all the random junk that has accumulated over the last, I'd say, 2 years. Hence, the blog posted yesterday. I debated for quite a while after reading it whether to delete it or not, but have come to realize that it was something that I've been needing to say aloud, so to speak. Coming across things, trinkets, pictures, and memories alike, stemming from a 3 year engagement that went down in flames is an awakening of sorts. It's an interesting process of realization, to recognize that the thing you fought the hardest for, the person you truly thought you were going to spend your life with, really did walk away without provocation. A horrible sensation to not know the reasons why or what you did wrong, if anything at all, but at the same time a sense of survival. I don't believe in regret, I feel like it is the most wasteful and consuming emotion. We don't have time machines, and we are not able to change what has transpired in the past, yet I find people everyday that dwell on the what-if's and the could-have-been's. They are consumed by it. I can't fathom it at all. Even if there was such a thing as going back and changing what you've done, would it be possible for you to consciously forfeit who you are and what you've learned for what you deem a better practice? Would it result in a better outcome on your person at the close? Personally, I wouldn't risk the possibility of altering the person I am today. I am not proud of some of the things I've done, but I am in no way ashamed of them either. I've been through it; death and loss, deceit and lies, insanity and mental health issues, drug and alcohol abuse, rape, ridicule, hell I almost died at the hands of my first boyfriend. It does not define me, but it has sure as hell made me who I am today. Strong, smart, and better able to live my life knowing the evils that lie in wait just outside my door. I don't regret the love that I have lost or the 3 years I spent thriving on that dream of ever after. I don't regret the experience or the feeling of completion, even though it has dissipated now. I will move on in life with that knowledge and take it with me, apply it to the next task and experience I encounter. I loved, I lost, and I fucking learned! The reminder is slightly painful, yes, but as it passes through me I know that I am human, I'm alive, and I can't express my gratitude for that in words.

It's been a long time since you left...
why do I still miss you?
It's been long enough to forget...
why do I still love you?
Memories resurface on an idle Saturday...
one in the morning.
You never saw me crying.
Go away now, leave me be...
one in the mourning.

You never loved me.

!!!EPIC FUCKING WIN!!!

Please excuse the blog neglect, for I am and have been sick as a fucking dog. (OT: Not quite sure how that analogy came around, or how sick the dog really is, but I'm too achy, tired, and sniffly to care, so I'm sticking with it.)

Currently, I am broadcasting to you from my office wrapped in an ugly blue wool jacket, coughing and/or sneezing around and about every three words, and having to stop after two sentences to blow my nose. In front of me sits a box of tissues, hand sanitizer (so as not to spread the illness via the keyboard,) a half-empty bag of vitamin C cough drops, and a half-empty bottle of Chloraseptic spray. I am slightly doped up on 2-3 doses of DayQuil, unfortunately, I sadly have to admit I've lost count on how much I've taken. My best friend right now is this steaming cup of Chai tea in front of me, honey & soy milk included. If I wasn't so stuffed up, I'd be seriously enjoying the yumminess of it, but I digress.

I hate being sick, especially having to admit I'm sick. Even more so, I hate having to admit I'm sick enough to take any type of medication to quell my illness. I hate medication.

Regardless, I felt the need report here and share my plight for anyone who cares. I've been really good about keeping this page up, and yes, I am a horrible blogger, but this time around there was definitive reason.

Last, but most certainly not least, I would just like to send out a big, nasty, and very sickly...

BLAH!!! GO AWAY SICKNESS!!
I hate you.

Okay, I love my job, but I really don't care for having to work on my day off because we can't seem to find a competent receptionist. The last two were absolute nightmares, so now we don't have one at all. I don't mind so much; helping out my awesome boss and earning some extra cash, but shit, really? Is there not an intelligent person out there who is in need of a job, able to multi-task, and can work well in customer service? Seriously?

Okay, I'm through bitching, just had to get that out. I have so much more going on to be excited about than to bitch over anyways, so I'll just quit while I'm ahead. Sooo much going on so far this year! Getting promoted at work, Redken class on 2/1, going to see Wicked 2/3, amazing Pureology artist coming for an in-salon class after that on 2/8, another hella awesome in-salon training class with one of Redken's top colorists in March, going to see AFI again on 3/16 (buying my DF pre-sales tomorrow, BTW!!) Gotta say I'm loving life right now!!

Had a model come in yesterday. She gave me some basic guidelines, but I was able to get creative with her color and the technique I used. Lots of fun there and it came out beautiful! Vibrant brown/red base color with two different/dimensional blonde highlights, one dark and one light. And I always forget to take pictures!! Grr!

Oh, and I got my Christmas present installed today! My factory-installed POS stereo in my car crapped out on me a few months ago and I finally got my new one put in. Kick ass sound and I can once again insert a CD without it spitting it back out at me with that ugly E20 (aka, fuck you bitch!) message on the display! Hella!

And in case anyone was wondering, my blog name comes from my favorite poem that I've written. See below, then please proceed to have a beautiful night! Til next time!

Lament

Bring back all my memories of the pain I’ve always felt.
Back to the past—black to the blade.
Blackout in subconscious leaves me weak and stained.
Drained of color.
Subjection to the cold.
Contagious like a disease to those around me.
Separate—I keep myself.
Hard against the grain still pulses through.
Shakes the pane and shards of glass break the surface.
Waves collapse around me and steal my dying breath.
I breathe remorse—immersed within the incarnadine channel—a river imbrued as I plunge below the shallow.
I breathe attrition—regretfully I know, the coldest day in July.
All unraveled and went awry.
I breathe—my one affliction.
I did not die.

*cabbage patches*

AFI added dates to the 2nd leg of their tour and FL, FTW!! Ybor, no less, so that's like 20 minutes from me! Ha ha, no hour and a half drive out to Orlando this time, booyah beotch!!

Happy, happy. Joy, joy.

*cabbage patches hard-fucking-core*

Hey now...look at me go! Maybe I'm not so bad at this blog thing after all!

Slow day at work today, but according to the appointment book, things are going to pick up tomorrow and will become hella hectic by the weekend. Saturday's schedule looks like I'm not even going to get a chance to exhale considering I quite possibly have a model coming in too, on top of an already booked up day. I may have another model coming in tomorrow, but of course it hasn't been decided, ha! Gotta say though, I love my job and I love being busy, so it's looking like a fun week.

Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos FTW!!

Totally just had to make a gas station run a few minutes ago and, currently, the temperature is sitting at a beautiful 38 degrees. Not too bad if you have a car that actually has a (properly functioning) heating system. I'm fully capable of dealing with this, I am a Jersey girl, born and bred, but come the fuck on...THIS IS FLORIDA...are you serious?! I've been here for 5 years now and this is by far the chilliest winter we've had.

^I refuse to use the word 'cold' to describe this weather, by the way. I see people everyday here bundled up in sweaters, jackets, scarves, gloves, the whole nine and I can't help but think, 'My god, you people really have no fucking clue what cold really is!' I grew up in northern Jersey; 7 foot snow drifts, ice skating on the lake I lived by (which was always frozen about 3-4 feet deep in the dead of the season,) snowball fights, forts, sleigh-riding, ect. Oh, wait, but I can't forget to mention shoveling a path to get to your car, digging out the tires, letting the thing heat up for at least 20 minutes, scraping the ice (not frost) off the windshield and windows, driving 15 miles per hour on the damn highway because you're caught in a fucking BLIZZARD! You southerners have no clue, not a one! /rant

Is it sick and twisted of me to say that I kinda miss Jersey?? =\

So those are my scattered and disjointed thoughts of the day...tune in next time!

Freckles are sex. Makes me want to play connect the dots with my tongue. Just a thought.

In the check out line of the grocery store today, it was proven to me, yet again, why I cannot stand the reliance on and symbolism of the "celebrity". As I glanced at and was rolling my eyes at the cover of the latest Enquirer (or whatever the fuck those magazine's titles are these days,) the woman in front of me decided I was interested in hearing how sickened and grossly outraged she was about this whole Tiger Woods 'scandal'.

"It's disgusting," she said, sneering over at Tiger's face printed on the cover.

I stared at her for a moment, taking a deep breath before replying very simply, "Why is it any of your fucking business?" I then mimicked the twisted sneer she had aimed at the magazine back at her and continued to stare evenly at her, awaiting a sensible answer. Her mouth moved for a few seconds without sound before she huffed and turned away. I had to chuckle then, but really, is this what our world is coming to? Relying so much on the business of other people's lives to live our own and for what, so we can have something to gossip about, something to compare to?

Beyond that, these people, these "celebrities" may be in the public eye, but they are people too. They are humans who bleed the same fucking color blood you and I do! It's wrong, on so many levels, how there is a need to be INSIDE public figures' heads. You do NOT know them personally, you are NOT in their circle of friends or family...who the fuck do you think you are judging them? Is it not possible to just enjoy what these people do and not care about what they're doing in their lives; where they go, who they date or sleep with, what their favorite color is ect? I completely understand idolization, don't get me wrong. It's one thing to love and respect a person for their contribution of talent to their craft, it's even okay to find a particular public figure attractive, but to pry and poke and prod for trivial information, to judge and criticize is at an all time disgusting peak of occurrence right now. It boggles my mind.

Take my idols for example...I absolutely adore A.F.I. To me, they are the most talented and dedicated musicians of this day and age. They play amazing music and their live shows are to die for, honestly the best I've ever seen (and I've seen the likes of The Styx and Bad Company live.) Do I know a lot about them? Yes. Do I know more than I probably should? Yes. Do I really fucking care? No. Yes, it's wonderful that they're vegan & vegetarian...hey, cool, so am I, but does it really hold any relevance to the music they create? Not a chance.

Even more so, and this just randomly popped into my head and I feel the need to say it, look at someone like Lady Gaga. That poor girl is ridiculed and judged by the fashion she chooses to showcase and the 'out there' style she has. She is called a freak and looked down on, hated even. Have you ever heard her SING? Go take a little trip here. If you can still, honestly, hate the woman after hearing that amount of exquisite vocal talent, you truly have no respect for what music is really supposed to be about.

All in all, my point is that we as human beings cherish our privacy and rarely do we let people see the side of us that is true, so why do we feel that these public figures are an exception to that? More than any scandal, mental breakdown, or fashion choice of a particular celebrity, this is what really sickens and angers me.

/rant

I am, without a doubt, the worst blogger known to the internet world. Let's see how well (and how often) this works out...